Terry Crews: ‘You can’t love someone and control them at the same time’

Terry Crew and Rebecca King-Crews celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary earlier this month. It’s funny, I wrote a whole post on their celebration and yet just now, when I wrote out “30th wedding anniversary,” I sat back and said an internal “wow, 30 years.” It really is an accomplishment and especially because it seems like Terry and Rebecca continually try to better their relationship. Not in the “christ, why is this so hard,” way but by not taking anything for granted and reevaluating. Terry recently told Us the secret to their success and it’s not that hard – don’t try to control each other.

For Terry Crews and Rebecca King, the secret to marriage is “freedom” and “choice.”

The Brooklyn 99 actor, 51, opened up about his 30-year relationship with the gospel singer, 53, and how his definition of love has changed since he was younger.

“What I say a lot of times is: You can’t love someone and control them at the same time,” Crews told Us Weekly at an America’s Got Talent live show at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, August 20.

He continued, “As a man, especially being young, you feel like you need to control everything and that’s not love. You know? Love is freedom. Love is a choice.”

Despite their busy schedules, Crews said that he and his wife make the conscious effort to prioritize their relationship and find time for each other.

“If my wife had to come home because she had to, is that love? Or did she come home because she wanted to? See, that’s the difference,” he said. “You know, we really opened up that way and made sure our marriage was all about freedom and that we choose to be together, not we have to be together, you know what I mean? You show up. Make the choice. It’s a choice.”

[From Us]

I said it’s not that hard but that’s not true. For someone who is used to controlling, not controlling is one of the hardest things on the planet. And yet, I co-sign what Terry is saying, when you stop controlling those you love, the relationship is so much more fun. I think many of us, unfortunately, have had a friend – female and male – in a relationship where it seemed more like they “had” to be home than they “wanted to go” home. And when questioned, the answer is usually some variant on “ah well, we’ve been together forever.” We’ve discussed before about how Terry wasn’t always this present. He was probably very controlling in the beginning of his relationship with Rebecca. As I said, if you tend towards controlling those around you, even in a minor sense, it’s hard as hell to break. My controlling tendencies creep back in every once in a while, but I can’t see the value in it anymore. And clearly Terry can’t either. Of course, with someone as bada$$ as Rebecca, I bet he’d change a thousand times over to keep her happy.

Personal brag moment: when I was taking in Terry and Rebecca’s 30 years, I was reminded that my parents’ anniversary is next month. I got out a calculator because I’ve honestly stopped counting: 58 years. And still in love with each other. That makes me happy.

Photo credit: WENN Photos

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