CRAIG BROWN: Will anyone rescue our ice lollies?

CRAIG BROWN: Will anyone rescue our ice lollies?

PRESENTER: Today, we’re asking — how are you coping? It’s already 39.1c in Peevish in Surrey, and a listener in the village of Umbrage tells us that her kitchen is set to rise to well over 45c if she leaves the oven door wide open and puts the blow-heater on, too.

So today we want to hear how you’re coping. Have you been obliged to cut back on the electric fire, even though you love that reassuring warm glow?

Have you had to take off that favourite pullover given to you by your favourite aunt last Christmas — and has it broken your heart?

And what about the Government? Should it be doing more to make us all cooler? Why have there been no urgent warnings against wearing three-piece tweed suits and Shetland jumpers in this hot weather?

Call You And Yours to share your story. We’ve got Brian on the line from Cardiff. What exactly is your problem, Brian?

‘A few minutes ago, I made myself a cup of hot tea, but, frankly, it’s too hot, and now I want something cooler, like an ice-cold drink’

‘I bought a lolly at 9.10am. My home is a mile’s walk away and by 9.15am it had begun to melt, before I’d taken a single lick. By 9.20am, it had dripped everywhere’

BRIAN: A few minutes ago, I made myself a cup of hot tea, but, frankly, it’s too hot, and now I want something cooler, like an ice-cold drink. So that’s a cup of tea down the sink, or two if I make the same mistake again. What I want to know is how the Government plans to tackle this.

PRESENTER: Any tips for keeping cool in this hot weather, Brian?

BRIAN: Definitely. If you’re sitting in one room and it feels too hot and sticky, then go to another room and put the heater on. Sit sweltering for an hour or two, then return to the first room, and you’ll find it feels a whole lot cooler.

PRESENTER: Thanks, Brian. And so to Cilla in Cambridge. Cilla, you’ve just bought an ice lolly from a van. And, like so many of our listeners, you’re bitterly disappointed.

CILLA: Bitterly. I bought a lolly at 9.10am. My home is a mile’s walk away and by 9.15am it had begun to melt, before I’d taken a single lick. By 9.20am, it had dripped everywhere. All that was left was the stick. I went back to the van and they gave me another. But the same thing happened again.

PRESENTER: In the studio, we’ve got Sally from the National Campaign For The Elimination of Sticks From Ice Lollies. Sally, you’re concerned about these sticks?

SALLY: Deeply concerned. They are potentially lethal. It would only take a terrorist to turn an ice lolly stick into a deadly weapon, and the consequences would be tragic. That’s why we’re calling for a total ban on ice lolly sticks by the year 2025.

PRESENTER: But some critics say that this could leave the ordinary ice lolly consumer with nothing to attach their ice lolly to. Let’s go to Jeff from Darlington.

JEFF: Yes — if you remove the stick from the lolly, that leaves coloured ice melting all over your hands, and down your shirt and trousers. And who’s going to meet all the dry-cleaning bills? That’s what worries me. I raised this with my MP three months ago, and I still haven’t had a reply.

‘I’m teaching my dachshund to ice skate. The only problem is finding skates to fit him. Also, there’s precious little ice about’

‘Members of the public in Tring are reporting they put a couple of lumps of ice in a glass of lime cordial five minutes ago and they’ve already melted. It’s an unmitigated disaster!’

PRESENTER: Inevitably, in this hot weather, there are those old-fashioned souls who say that they are being patronised. So let’s go to Teresa in her lovely little house in Honiton. Bless you for having the courage to phone in, Teresa. Now, what is it you were trying to tell us?

TERESA: Well . . .

PRESENTER: I’m sorry, we’re going to have to leave you there, Teresa. And so to Tony, a dog-walker from Claygate. Tony, what’s the best way of keeping our pets cool in this hot weather?

TONY: I’m teaching my dachshund to ice skate. The only problem is finding skates to fit him. Also, there’s precious little ice about.

PRESENTER: We have Sir Alan Crump from the National Association Of Over-Reactors in the studio. Your thoughts on the current crisis, Sir Alan?

SIR ALAN CRUMP: Frankly, this is as bad as it gets. And it’s going to get a whole lot worse. Members of the public in Tring are reporting they put a couple of lumps of ice in a glass of lime cordial five minutes ago and they’ve already melted. It’s an unmitigated disaster!

PRESENTER: And so to Karen from Millwall, who is asking for mobile air-conditioning units to be made compulsory in all sun-hats . . .

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