‘Man of my dreams is 28 years older but I can’t be with him’
A 30-year-old woman took to Reddit to explain her love life and how she had “found the man of my dreams”, but they were unable to be together because “he is in an unhappy marriage” and won’t divorce his wife.
The man is 58 years old, and she met him in her favourite bar a year and a half ago.
“He was alone, I was with colleagues,” she recalled, adding how she went up to him and, “asked for his number”.
They “stayed in touch” and had their first date a year later, where he honestly revealed he “is married with kids my age”.
This wasn’t a red flag for the woman, instead, she explained: “Something inside of me was so sure he is the one…he is just perfectly perfect for me.”
For six months they had a “distant relationship” where both of them do their best to meet and enjoy one another’s company.
The woman, however, has “asked him to take our relationship to the next step and be official”, but this requires the man to divorce his wife.
The man is hesitant to do so, and the woman said: “He is so insecure he thinks I might leave him and he will be alone for the rest of his life”.
She asked other Reddit users how to “handle this insecurity related to age gap” and cited the man is under the impression she “will get prettier” with age and then “leave him for a younger man”. She wanted advice on how to know the best ways to reassure her partner.
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As for his wife, she explained “they don’t live together” and haven’t done so for “more than 12 years”.
While they are separated, they “still go to social events as a couple in front of friends and families”.
Someone replied to her post with: “If he’s still in an unhappy marriage well after his kids grew up, it’s more complicated than just him being afraid of being alone. People can be weird and contradictory.
“His actions suggest that he thinks divorce is worse than infidelity. Or, it could be that there’s some financial benefit to them staying married to each other.
“Don’t count on him divorcing his wife. I won’t scold you for being the other woman, just don’t get your hopes up for bringing the relationship to the next level.”
Another said it “sounds like you’ll be his mistress for quite a while” if she didn’t leave him and find happiness with another person.
One comment read: “The man of your dreams is married. And most married men who want to have an affair talk about how unhappy their marriage is and string the other woman along.
“Please think rationally and get out of this situation before it’s too late. There’s plenty of fish in the sea aka dreamy men.”
Someone else chimed: “If he is that unhappy then let him leave on his own. Don’t pressure him into it. My advice is to leave him. If he wants you he will do what’s necessary to be with you. But don’t be with a married man. It never ends well.”
One user suggested: “That’s the risk of age gap relationships and can happen to both men and women.
“He should just take a leap of faith. So he won’t divorce his wife because he’s afraid of being alone. Isn’t he alone anyway? He’s been separated from his wife for 12 years. I don’t get it.
“You need to talk to him about stepping up because you can’t wait the rest of your life for him. He’s just going to have to trust you or you’re outta there.”
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