My husband has forgiven family for their cruel treatment but I won't | The Sun
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of being estranged from his family, my husband has rekindled his relationship with them and forgiven their cruel treatment.
His father died a few years ago and his mum is frail. I understand that he feels time is running out.
I am 61 and my husband is 64. We have been married for 38 years and have two daughters, 32 and 30.
My husband told me when we met that he wasn’t close to his family.
I didn’t meet them until we’d been seeing each other for a year.
Even then I was shocked to see them treat him with such contempt.
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After having three boys, they were desperate for a girl, so when my husband was born, it was apparently a huge disappointment.
My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s three years ago.
He now wants me and our children to go and see his family and ask for forgiveness.
One of my husband’s brothers verbally abused me on a visit.
The family closed ranks and we were excluded from all subsequent get-togethers.
My husband wants me to say that we were wrong over the incident.
If I do as he wants I will end up feeling worthless.
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DEIDRE SAYS: There is a lot of guilt at play – stemming from your husband stopping contact with his parents some years ago.
You can’t change your mother-in-law’s behaviour, only your reaction to it, but you don’t need to have a relationship with her.
You have the right to say no and respect your boundaries and your mental health.
Do contact Parkinson’s UK about your husband’s behaviour (parkinsons.org.uk, 0808 800 0303).
This disease can affect the brain in ways that cause modest personality changes over time.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you talk to your husband.
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