My partner doesn’t know I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the baby’s real dad is

I wasn’t unduly worried when I didn’t get my period because I’ve always been irregular due to an eating disorder. 

But when I started being sick, my colleague suggested I do a pregnancy test. I couldn’t believe it when the wand screamed “pregnant”. I thought I’d been careful with condoms. 

Now my partner is back home and I keep finding excuses not to get naked in front of him. More than once he’s caught me stuffing sweets in my mouth (because pregnancy has given me a terrible sweet tooth) and muttered that I’ll get fat. If only he knew… 

What do I do next? If I tell him I’m pregnant, I’m sure he’ll leave. Despite it all, I do love him and want us to stay together. But if he’s not the dad, will he dump me like a hot potato once the baby is born (looking nothing like him)? I can’t sleep for worrying about the future.

JANE SAYS: You’ve got to tell your partner the truth, so he understands what your body – and mind – are going through right now. 

This isn’t going to be easy, but if you keep pretending, you’re going to make yourself stressed and ill – and that’s not good for the baby. 

Do you plan to go ahead with the pregnancy whatever? Have you spoken to your GP yet about your health and your options? I urge you to do so. 

Cheating on your partner and sleeping around wasn’t your best move, but what’s done is done and you need to move forward now. 

Pick your moment and tell him you have something very important to discuss. Is he prepared to think about sticking with you and bringing this baby up together? Or will he really walk out? 

As to the matter of the baby’s real father, you’re not going to be able to find out until after the birth, once a DNA test is possible. 

In the meantime, look after yourself and turn to trusted relatives, friends and health professionals to advise and help you over the next few, vital months. You can get through this, but you must accept support. 

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