‘My poorly husband is giving me "away day" pass to have sex with his best mate’
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My husband reckons that I should start having sex with his best mate.
He swears he still loves me, but thinks I’ll be happier and more satisfied in the arms of someone else who he knows and trusts.
My husband is a lovely man, but he’s battled health issues over the years. We’ve not made love for a long while and now he feels ready to “set me free”.
He’s adamant he doesn’t want us to part – that would break his heart – but if we could possibly split the sexual from the emotional side of our marriage, then he’s convinced we can carry on.
In short, he’s giving me an “Away Day” pass because he wants me to be happy, but I have mixed feelings.
There’s no denying I’ve always been attracted to this other man.
At parties, we invariably chat and flirt. Once, when my husband was recovering from a serious operation, we came very close to falling into bed together.
He’d driven me home from the hospital and my nerves were in shreds. He made me a drink and I relaxed. He told me I had beautiful eyes and we started kissing.
The surge of emotions that followed was like a dam bursting. If the doorbell hadn’t rung at that moment (with a pizza delivery for next door), we would have had sex right there on the carpet.
As it was, the interruption broke the spell. He grabbed his jacket and made a hasty retreat.
I told my husband all about it because we have a trusting relationship. He thanked me for my honesty. But now he’s revisited the idea of me and his best mate having sex on a regular basis.
Could this actually work?
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JANE SAYS: The problem is that you and this other guy already enjoy an emotional attachment.
You say yourself that you flirt and chat at parties and once came close to having sex. If you and he were to go to bed, then I really couldn’t see your marriage surviving.
You might try to tell yourselves it’s “just sex” but once those feel-good sex hormones start flooding your bodies, there’s a very strong possibility that real love might follow – and then where would your husband be?
You say that (sadly) he’s suffered with poor health for a number of years, but is there a way that you could still enjoy intimacy, even if that doesn’t include full intercourse? Is there any form
of therapy, both mental and physical, that you could enter into as a couple? Check out Relate.
Ask him for the honest truth. Is he serious about staying with you?
Is this his roundabout way of suggesting that your
marriage needs to end?
From where I’m sitting, it sounds like a very bad idea fraught with problems and pitfalls, but he needs to tell you the whole story.
Trust your instincts and do not do anything that doesn’t sit well with you.
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