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Sneaking into the Olympics

Olympic tchotchkes are being hustled for sale. Like Michael Jordan’s ’84 sneakers. Even if you can’t jump as high you have to bid high. Gold medals are $100,000. Jordan’s rookie trading card goes for $450,000. Cheaper’s Carmelo Anthony Olympic sneakers at $25,000 to $30,000. Size 15. Each big enough for both feet. Drazen Petrovic game-worn Nike Air Delta Force with Adidas painted stripes — only $7,000 to $10,000. Need bigger? Shaq O’Neal’s ’96 Reeboks. Signed. Size 22. You could stick a whole billboard on them. Go to Sothebys.com. Or wait 20 minutes and try Payless.

But this year’s games has stars tuning in. Michael Douglas: “I love the Olympics. For Bermuda, my mother’s home country, I congratulate Flora Duffy on winning the Women’s Triathlon — the first gold medal in Olympic history for the small country.”

But, back to New York, where it’s the Paris Theater on West 58th. The legendary movie house next to Bergdorf’s is not closing, now run by Netflix. Fie on others shutting their popcorn stands. The Paris, getting rejuiced, reopens Friday. Says Scott Stuber, head of Netflix’s Global Films: “It’s New York’s longest-running art house cinema. The only single-screen movie theater here. With a stellar lineup programmed, we continue to be the home for NYC film lovers.”

And Kelsey Grammer scarfing down juicy steak at Porter House . . . Starting the ’60s fancy schmancy was a Judith Leiber evening bag. Now, East Hampton, there’s a Judith Leiber museum. I’m told my red beaded clutch is there . . . George Clooney hasn’t one but I hear his addiction is chocolate cake.

She’s fur real

“Paw Patrol: The Movie,” on its way, gets the voice of Kim Kardashian.

Kim K: “I’m Delores — a Valley Girl poodle pup who doesn’t mess with other pups. Doesn’t like to get dirty. Perfect for me. I had a white poodle growing up that looked like Delores. My kids — fans of the TV series — are excited. First words my 1-year-old son learned were ‘papa’ and ‘Paw ­Patrol.’ ”

The animated thing barks into theaters in a few weeks — the 20th.

All stretched out

With today’s sturm und drang, yoga teacher Selena Maisonpierre says the antidote is yoga. “It moves your body to open up. It began at the dawn of civilization.”

Yeah? Nobody ever mentioned Marie Antoinette was stretching in the tumbrel.

She went on. “There’s postures, pushups, chatter ranga, downward facing dog which is Vinyasa style. Also slow, gentler yin yoga. And bikram. And kundalini. It’s a disembodiment. You get long and lean. You become one with your body.”

Always on a mat?

“Do you ask why some religions are always in church? It’s the sacred place you come to. Yoga is your personal individual religion. Reaction to the speed our culture moves. An awakening of people realizing the way we’re living our lives isn’t sustainable.

“There’s variations. Undulations of the spine. Cat cows. On all fours, just hands and knees, moving your spine back and forth. It’s a basic. Getting a busy New Yorker to lie on a mat doing nothing is one of the most difficult things you can do. With back problems we’re not experiencing fullness of living because sensation from the rest of your body isn’t traveling to your brain.”

Yeah, OK, so what about the man in your life?

“He’s scared to go. He does not want to move fast. He’s never gone to a yoga class.”

Right. Neither has Marie Antoinette.

Or me.

Anybody believe Putin doesn’t know this greatest country on Earth, the United States of America, is being run by one whose lips can flap only what aides prepare in front of him?

Only in America, kids, only in America. 

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